What makes no contact with your ex work?

It probably seems the most natural thing in the world to do. You have broken up and you want to get your ex back. Maybe it was you that was dumped because you did something bad or maybe your partner has said they want out. Whatever, you want to get them back. So what do you do? You chase after them, tell them you love them and beg them to return.

Don’t do that. By not contacting your ex you can use some simple psychology and basic practicality to put you in a winning position in the future.

Why does this work?

Well, firstly it gives both of you space and time to think things through. Face it, you need it. After a split, emotions run pretty high and both of you will be in danger of doing or saying something that will ruin your chances of reconciliation. The important thing is it gives your ex time to miss you. It gives your ex time to think about you because you aren’t there and this is the beginning. They are not just going to forget about you overnight, far from it, but you have to give them a little space to let the nagging doubt set in.

How long are we talking here? About a month, but relax you will soon be thinking a month is not enough as you will have plenty to do.

Secondly, you are the one you takes control of the situation when you make the decision not to contact. The fact that you made this “difficult” but mature and sensible decision gives you the dominant position. It means your ex will be waiting to see what you do next and they will be thinking about you in a positive light. Because you walked away from a potentially dangerous situation without causing a fight you gain respect. There is nothing your ex can blame you for or use against you in the future.

It also means your ex will think about you more. As mentioned before they will be thinking about you in a positive light because of the way you diffused the situation, but also they will be thinking about the hole in their life right now. It can happen in lots of ways. It could be the TV shows that you used to watch together, it could be eating some food that you introduced to them, it could simply be the way you laugh at their not so funny jokes etc. The point is they will miss you as feelings of love don’t disappear so quickly.

So, what makes no contact with your ex work? It’s the power behind making a decision that seems really sensible and mature to the outside audience (but is in your own best interests) and it’s the power of having time to think. Your ex will have time to think about you and to miss you and you will have time to plan what you are going to do. The next step is to work out what you are going to do in the coming weeks to win your ex back for good.